Who is the muse? Musings about year-end deceleration
If I post musings, am I the muse?
The blur of infancy appears to be slowing down. The weeks have sped by, each day a busy busy busy day of washing diapers, sorting laundry, cooking, napping, cleaning, packing, doing myriad tasks all connected to household maintenance. As Pearl gets older and happier and more interested in and aware of the world around her, the more opportunities I appear to have to slow down. I have taken the year's ending to heart and slowed down in the house: decluttering, purging, reading about feng shui, looking at myself in the mirror above the stove wondering "how did I become who I appear to be now?" Pearl is so cute, laughs so much at Lola and the adults who try to amuse her. Lola is approaching 4, a fabulous age. She's recognizing her letters, still in diapers but whatever, only for a little while longer, right? (right??!!) Now Chris and I need to do something, learn our new roles, move the beds around, jump in the snow and get too cold too long, begging for hot cocoa. It's time to come inside and be slow and dark, with all the hardships and insights the darkness carries. It's time to be brave, to be poison, be poisoned. It's time for organic metamorphosis that doesn't kill you, the kind that we keep to ourselves in the hard snowy glare. Even the rabbit under our shed comes out during the day for an hour or so, looking for the dried-up raspberry leaves. It's only at night it gets brave and travels to the side of the house for the green feverfew and valerian.
I find myself at this time craving alteratives - mead, barley wine, coffee, chocolate, spicy food, you get the picture. Showers. Walking in the woods in the snow. Night. The things that help me be in and out of the house and my children's lives. At the very least, I like affirmations from the outside:
Yummy food, mama!
Your kids are cute!
I love you.
So shower me with affirmations, friends! If you'd like to see some family photos, just email me and I'll send you the web site to my photo pages on yahoo. Then you can tell me how cute my kids are, how much they look like Tata and me, how much they don't, how their eyes sparkle with kidness. You can wonder how the hell they got so big when you haven't even seen me for so long.
And as you lurk there, I will be looking at the crap in our house with a darned critical eye, wondering what can leave and make room for all of us, what can be slow with me, and what needs to just go the hell away.
The blur of infancy appears to be slowing down. The weeks have sped by, each day a busy busy busy day of washing diapers, sorting laundry, cooking, napping, cleaning, packing, doing myriad tasks all connected to household maintenance. As Pearl gets older and happier and more interested in and aware of the world around her, the more opportunities I appear to have to slow down. I have taken the year's ending to heart and slowed down in the house: decluttering, purging, reading about feng shui, looking at myself in the mirror above the stove wondering "how did I become who I appear to be now?" Pearl is so cute, laughs so much at Lola and the adults who try to amuse her. Lola is approaching 4, a fabulous age. She's recognizing her letters, still in diapers but whatever, only for a little while longer, right? (right??!!) Now Chris and I need to do something, learn our new roles, move the beds around, jump in the snow and get too cold too long, begging for hot cocoa. It's time to come inside and be slow and dark, with all the hardships and insights the darkness carries. It's time to be brave, to be poison, be poisoned. It's time for organic metamorphosis that doesn't kill you, the kind that we keep to ourselves in the hard snowy glare. Even the rabbit under our shed comes out during the day for an hour or so, looking for the dried-up raspberry leaves. It's only at night it gets brave and travels to the side of the house for the green feverfew and valerian.
I find myself at this time craving alteratives - mead, barley wine, coffee, chocolate, spicy food, you get the picture. Showers. Walking in the woods in the snow. Night. The things that help me be in and out of the house and my children's lives. At the very least, I like affirmations from the outside:
Yummy food, mama!
Your kids are cute!
I love you.
So shower me with affirmations, friends! If you'd like to see some family photos, just email me and I'll send you the web site to my photo pages on yahoo. Then you can tell me how cute my kids are, how much they look like Tata and me, how much they don't, how their eyes sparkle with kidness. You can wonder how the hell they got so big when you haven't even seen me for so long.
And as you lurk there, I will be looking at the crap in our house with a darned critical eye, wondering what can leave and make room for all of us, what can be slow with me, and what needs to just go the hell away.
posted by Skim @ 3:18 PM
2 Comments:
At 7:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
Musings are just little muses before they grow up.
Sounds like your rabbit is taking some natural Tylenol PM.
Do rabbits get headaches?
You should visit the clutter here to know how sparse your place really is.
And girl, like you need some affirmations! You've created two lives and that doesn't even count your own. Your beautiful laugh has rippled through mine and so many other lives. I've gotten to watch a wack haired little flower grow into a wizened tree full of deep textures and intricate shapes silouetted against the oranges, reds, blues, golds of the sunset that is the love you shower upon those who love you--and even those who don't. The simple truth of you had stood like a pillar in my life daring the storm of this crazy world to beat in vain against it. Anchoring me. Daring me to be pillar and storm. Freeing me to venture in the dark because I know there will always be something firm, soft, loving that will keep me safe and sane.
You don't need any affirmation. You ARE affirmation.
XOXO
Jim
At 1:46 PM,
Skim said…
Awww, such a nice affirmation!. You could give lessons. Such friends I have!
Beautiful.
xoxo
Kim
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